Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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