who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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