I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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