Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
