im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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