This is not my ceiling
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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