So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
