so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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