My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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