He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
