Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
