It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
