Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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