He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
