i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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