eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
