high people should be assigned attendants
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
