So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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