The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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