So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
