so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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