Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
