Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
