you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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