ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
