No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
