the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
