Can i not drive my cunt home
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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