butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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