btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
