ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
