I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
