he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
