Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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