I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
