so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
