Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
