You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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