worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
