Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
