i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
