Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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