Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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