Small penises have feelings too.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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