Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
