Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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