I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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