Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
