my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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