I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
