i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
