All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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