Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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